Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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