Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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