Are we in a gay sports bar?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
