you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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