Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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