Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
