dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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