Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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