I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
