not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sext me about skeletons
Terrible idea I love it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
