did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
