i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
