I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
