umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
