I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
