I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
