I wanna passion pit in your ass
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
