I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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