And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
