Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
