sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
