He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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