I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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