yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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