Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is Oprah even human
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
