i don't like sucking hair
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
