Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
