My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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