That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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