??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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