The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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