we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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