i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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