i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
