im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize