coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
