glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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