I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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