his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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