this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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