Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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