Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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