Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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