Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
