Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
