Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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