I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
