i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
