Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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