If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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