I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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