the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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