nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
