Can Purell be used as lube?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
