I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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