sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
