I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
