What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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