this just has baby written all over it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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