Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I touched a dick in church today
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
