We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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