Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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