Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's never too late to be topless.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
