She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
