that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
