I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
