I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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