Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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