They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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