i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
