I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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