why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
