I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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