Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
