Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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