I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
