He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
