Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
