Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
