I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
