Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
