Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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