Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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