i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
