He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
