Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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